When there's an online 24x7 self-help portal involving real humans having 1-on-1 chats, free of charge; the internet is winning, right?

7Cups is the brainchild of clinical psychologist Glen Moriarty. It connects on chat its 'members' and 'guests', who need to talk about their difficulties, with the 'listeners', who listen (surprise!). It also has a database of self-help guides addressing mental health issues, provides professional counselors for a fee and moderates group support chats. It's beautiful how it works solely on the empathy of people.

I found 7Cups on a very sad day, as most people do. My very first listener was rad, so I got sucked right into it, becoming a 'Verified Listener' shortly after. Up there, is a screenshot of my profile.

Safe to say, being a listener makes me quite happy.

But I got lucky. Finding a compatible listener when you're desperate can be long and nerve wracking. By the time they reach me, some members are skeptical and frustrated about the quality of listeners. The listeners are not professionals and have restrictions, though they intend to help. Despite the training session, most aspects of listening are intangible.

So in this post I'd like to share my two cents on how to ace active listening. Anyone who's already a seasoned listener could elaborate on this and the rest could surely give it a try!

1. ONE WINDOW AT A TIME

'Multitasking= positive word on the CV'

So twisted, so wrong.

The temptation split yourself to serve the maximum number of chat windows can be strong. It's possible too, if you're okay making multiple members wait in anxiety for your response or give just a fraction of your attention to each chat window. I mean, what could it feel like to be a juggling ball when you expect empathy? Don't be a juggler, focus on one chat window at a time. Preserve yourself and give your 100%.

2. CHOOSE YOUR NICHE

'Keep your options open.'

Pretty awful advise in the age of social media marketing. The big struggles today are :

(a) having a hundred irrelevant tabs open internally and externally.

(b) inability to find any respite from (a).

Focus is a rare quality. When a member talks to a listener, he expects focus. Someone who is equipped to deal with the topic, without being triggered by it. Someone who listens to every word without judgement or being clueless. So, know the topics you can handle and handle them well. You don't need to sign up for all of them but make sure you constantly read up on your topics and update your listener profile accordingly.

3. DON'T BE A BOT. DON'T GET TOO PERSONAL.

The demand for listeners can be high on 7Cups, so a bot called "Noni" appears on the chat window during the wait. Though Noni has a face and good manners, it is just a talking online form, matching you to a suitable listener. After the very sterile opening, members expect a human on being connected to a listener.

7Cups prescribes opening lines that you may use but beyond that, don't be an answering machine. It makes sense to not sound too casual or entertain personal questions but do ask questions that are engaging and encourage the member to talk more.

4. LISTENING IS NOT A TIME-KILLER

You need the right frame of mind while listening. So when you are low on time and energy, it reflects on your listening ability. Being a Listener is neither a job or a hobby or a time-killer (go figure!) but it sure requires you to be empathetic and tuned in. Nobody is comfortable with a self-sacrificing listener who cannot handle himself. So limit yourself to when you feel happy, energised and have some time at hand to gain some fulfilment from this activity. Not in an overcrowded metro and not during a ten minute work-break. Keep your cup full.

5. ACCEPT THAT YOU CANNOT HELP EVERYONE

One can never judge the full extent of what the member feels or wants. Even if you are willing to go the mile and know how to handle the situation, you may encounter people who don't believe in your ability, probe you for personal information or who cannot be reasoned with. If you think the situation is beyond your control, stop the chat before it turns sour. Not everyone seeking help is in the frame of mind to explain themselves and that's fine. 

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The end. I'd strongly recommend 7Cups, irrespective of how you want to get involved. It is a very intimate yet detached way of connecting with people. And if you think there is more to add here, hit me up!