What you see is the most cheerful of my six-part analysis of infantilization. Spoiler Alert, it is user-friendly!

Infantilization is a control mechanism used by caregivers that restricts a person from making their own decisions and being themselves. This toxic habit is often institutionalized, making it hard to detect and confront. Commonly affecting children and seniors, anyone can fall prey to it.

You can choose to bury yourself as a victim forever or choose to pick yourself up without even having the slightest idea of how to start. The second choice is still smarter.

That being said, healing is never a linear process where you decide to heal on day-1 and on day-2 you are a slate wiped clean. Nope.

It's about being tender with yourself and equally ruthless as needed. Fighting infantilization is like changing existing relationship dynamics and expressing yourself as a person without any fear. For many people, healing may involve cutting your family off like a limb. However, my solution is based on reorganizing the existing dynamics to best suit you. There is no 'one-size-fits-all' solution so some trial and error may be involved. Have faith, friend! And do let me know in the comments if there's anything you think I have missed out.

1- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

The first step is having the right mindset. Always. Take responsibility of the fact that you have been wronged and there was nothing you could do about it. You have been a victim but now you take the responsibility to heal and free yourself. Let the bygones be bygones and look ahead. The more you look back and point fingers, instead of focusing on the positive, the more you become the monster you despise. You cultivate hatred and bitterness and you don't want that. Start with the mindset of taking responsibility of you you are.

2- ANALYZE AND IDENTIFY

Having a journal is a great starting point. Now sit with some time in hand in a quiet room and let all the stray observations, memories and experiences from childhood and adulthood flow through you- this is not a creative writing gig but a word vomit session to let it all out. It may take more than one sitting but don't restrict yourself. Soon enough you will have the grand picture ready and you can identify a pattern in the incidents. You can see person to person interactions or even event based incidents. You will see where you can change. Keep this writing always at hand because this will legitimize your feelings and bring clarity especially when you have self doubts. Once you can read the patterns you will know where the misalignment is and what needs changing. Though a relatively long process, writing is essential groundwork that simplifies your journey.

3- ACCEPT THAT PEOPLE WON'T CHANGE

If you think presenting your findings in a tabular manner or as an emotional rant will turn the tables for you or even help you feel understood, you are very far from reality. We'd love people to see through us especially when we are so clear but the truth is that even those who want to help you will not be equipped to do so. It may be even hard to listen to you without any preconceived filters. You may face accusations of dwelling in the past, lying or imagining (do keep the journal at hand!). Accept that you have complete power over yourself and your situation and you have to pick yourself up even if it is a lonely process where nobody seems to care. You know where you stand and you'll do the right thing.

4- SETTING BOUNDARIES AND SAYING 'NO'

Many blogs say this is step1 but in some cultures, the concept of boundaries is an alien one. People won't realize you are actually uncomfortable and are asking for space. This retains the toxic relationships in your life. So I believe in building a strong mindset before putting yourself out there. When I set my own boundaries, it did not go down well, as expected. What does setting a boundary sound like?

' No, don't do that. It makes me uncomfortable.'

' I don't want to talk about it, it makes me uneasy.'

' Sorry, that is not possible. I have other commitments.'

' I understand but I am not up for it. Thanks, though.'

' That's not my thing, I have to back out. Have fun.'

Saying these simple lines were harder than a hurdle race for me, even more so because it is viewed as impolite to say 'no'. I struggled with saying 'no' for the fear of being judged and equally with asking people for help when I needed it. Sometimes you will have to say it over and over again for people to know you are serious about what you are saying.

Initially you will feel the need to justify yourself when you say 'no'. Of course, people won't like it. Close friends will refuse to deal with you. The right kind of people who value you for your mindfulness will stay back and make space for you. Self doubt, fear and confusion will plague you but who said healing is pretty? At least now you have purged the negative people from your life to make space for the better stuff!

5. TRUST PEOPLE ANYWAY AND EXTEND YOUR COMFORT ZONE

In my late teens and early twenties I had no idea where the mind fog was coming from. So every time I approached my roommates and flatmates with a muddle of vague questions and doubts about my sanity, they did not really get it. Of course, they too were as old as me and were doing their best.

Instead of answers, I got something a lot more valuable by opening myself to them. They always stood by me and appreciated me for traits my family had been blind to. My flatmate wished to be as independent and imaginative I was. I had never known that because I was not trusted with a bus ride alone.

My teachers and peers appreciated my train of thought and rational thinking even on the days I beat myself up.

I owe a chunk of my personal growth to the random kindness of strangers who are today my closest friends. They picked me up when they could've walked away and weren't afraid to confront me in the good and bad times. I learnt what it means to be nurturing, supportive and thoughtful. Were my friends flawed? Of course. Was I perfect? Not even close. But none of us projected it in ugly ways.

Friends come and go as you are older but you will always retain a handful of great ones. So be open to people even after you set your boundaries. Only when you put yourself out there can you perceive your value and identify your calling.

6. PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Know that you have a beginning and an end and put yourself first. Ask for help when you need it. People will be happy to support you. Exercise and work on some good habits- though that's a whole new topic. Healing may seem chaotic and there will be lapses but be at it. Soon enough, that will become a habit too. These changes appear intangible but when you consciously work on positive change, you'll see the positive change in relationships, health and profession. You will be stronger, bolder and attract healthy people.

I recommend this awesome poem right here that I read as a child but appreciated only a few years ago. Thanks, Chicken Soup!

7. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

A competent counselor can expedite the healing process tenfold. The sad truth is that many of us may not find the time and resources although it's worth investing in professional help. Luckily, there are several online resources and counselling sites too. 7Cups and Mindspace are two of the sites I can think of but a little bit of research goes a long way.

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I hope this has helped at least some of you cope with your personal difficulties! I welcome any stories about your healing process that can create further engagement about this evil. Every bit helps. So long, all!